Reconnection

Dearest gentle reader,

Haha! I'm kidding. I'm not Lady Whistledown but I do enjoy watching Bridgerton. But this next post is not about that. It's about reconnecting with oneself. I recently started seeing a therapist, sexologist, healer to heal my past traumas. And most importantly, reconnect with myself. I tried sound healing and reiki. I feel calmer and learning to slow down and breathe. Focus on the now. Recalibrate my chakras. Realign my soul.

I reconnected with my miscarried child in the spirit world. I don't know if it was a girl or boy. It was lost during the early stages. If it were a girl, I would have named her Priya. I did a prayer with my healer and spoke to my daughter. It was intense and tear-moving. I burned a candle for her and wrote a letter to her.

Dearest beloved,

I miss you. I didn’t have you for long but even in such a small moment, you were something to me. You are. It doesn’t matter how far you are from me; I love you, my darling Priya. You are mine and I am your mother. I wish I had said a few words to you even when you were inside me. But that doesn’t matter, I am here now and I think I am ready to say something to you. If you came into this world, I would cherish you like you are everything to me. I would always be there for you and always listen. I can imagine what it would be like if you grew up. You could choose whatever you wanted to do and be whomever you wanted to be. Even if your grandparents may not traditionally support what you choose, I would. I would support who you choose to love as well.

I wish my kitty Lucy could meet you. And maybe one day she will. I believe she would have loved you too. She’s only two, she will be three soon but she’s like a baby. I can imagine us taking care of her together. You are my darling girl and no one can tell you differently. I love you. I will always love you. I will always be your mother.

I have plans. I plan to adopt a baby. I don’t know if they will be a boy or a girl. So, you will have a sister or brother. When they’re old enough to understand, I promise to tell them about you. You will never be forgotten. I miss you so much my baby girl.

Love,

Your mother.

I'm sure some mothers can relate when they've lost their child. They will always be a part of you. Reconnecting with oneself is an arduous and challenging journey. But I promise you it's worth it. I've never been a person for meditation or yoga but it alleviates anxieties and stress. It really keeps you grounded and focused. And doing all these things helps me be more in tune with myself. I am learning self love on another level. I've forgotten to be kind to myself. I've been trying so hard to be too generous with myself with others, give all of myself to others, voice myself but never heard... I realized I just need to hear myself. And that's all that matters. Until next read... ciao!